Goal

This morning I stepped on the scale and saw my goal weight looking back at me. At a mere nine months and five days after my surgery, I have reached the weight I dreamed of last Spring as a distant hope. I thought that I might possibily reach this weight by my birthday in April 2012, if I was lucky, but suspected that it would more likely take till the following summer. But even up to five or six months post-surgery it was more of a hope to me than a real possibility. Somewhere in the past three months, I came to realize that I truly was losing the weight and I truly would be able to reach my goals. I can't pinpoint a specific time or a specific incident that happened to give me this mindset - maybe it was doing that 5K in October - but somewhere along the way I just knew that it was actually going to happen. Now I know that I really am the person I used to be before the weight gain started in my mid-30's. Many of the people I meet tell me that by losing 128 pounds I have lost a whole person, and that certainly is true. As I was reflecting on this just yesterday, I came to an enlightening realization. By losing myself, I have truly found myself. I feel more like ME - like the real Jeanette - than I have felt in years, and the "old" overweight/obese person that I was feels like just a bad dream. What I mean is that I remember all my experiences, but I can't remember - I can't really realize - that I had them as that huge person I see in those "before" pictures on this page. I truly don't know who the woman in that picture is anymore. What I do know is that I am me again, and I am at peace.

The new "old" me

One hundred pounds! One hundred pounds have gone away. I can hardly fathom that amount of weight. Let's see, that is only five pounds less than three large bags of dog food. It is two-and-a-half bags of water softener salt pellets. It is four of my granddaughter Ellie. It is 10 10-pound bags of flour. It is a whole side of pork. Wherever did that fit on my 4'11" small-boned body?

Oh yeah, take a look at my "before surgery" photos. I guess that shows it. I don't even know that woman anymore. I never did know her, really. Every time I saw myself in the mirror or in a photo, it would take me a minute to recognize that it was me. In my own mind, I was still the tiny self who used to exist. In my mind, that tiny person was the "real" me. For the past month or two, I have been able to see that real me - at least someone very similar to her - looking back at me. I still have a bit more weight to lose before she will be here truly, but I'm now a hundred pounds closer than I was at the beginning of 2011. And that is a major big deal!!!

So good-bye to that 100 pounds. Never will I see you again!

Class tonight

The surgical group my surgeon is a part of was one of the pioneering practices in weight loss surgeries. It is all they do. One thing they have come to be really big on is education, both before and after surgery. I was required to attend three different classes about the procedure - pros and cons and what to expect - before one of their doctors would even perform the operation. A follow-up that is held at their center, and which they strongly recommend during the first month or two, is a group class with a licensed clinical social worker. The therapist who works with them had gastric bypass surgery herself almost six years ago and devotes part of her practice to helping those who have also had (or are planning to have) weight loss surgery.

There were five of us there at her class tonight (with our support people in tow). Three of us had the surgery a month or less ago. I very much enjoyed hearing what the therapist had to say about recognizing the things that would be "hazards" to reaching our weight loss goals and learning the best way for us to deal with the hazards. I also enjoyed the various comments made by others in attendance. Know what I gleaned from the whole thing? No one but you can be responsible for your success or failure on this journey, because you, and you alone, determine what your attitude is and what it will be. No matter what anyone else says or does or puts in front of you, the attitude you choose to take will determine what you will or will not do. I was reminded of something I heard someone say in a support group meeting back in November that struck a chord with me enough that I wrote it down.

It may be hard, but I risked my life to do this,

and I'm not going to mess it up.

I'm going to print that on card stock and hang it on my wall. Attitude is everything.